I am an oxymoron. Okay, don't go laughing now, thinking, "haha she called herself a moron!" Seriously, I am a complete contradiction. For example, I am the most free-spirited obsessive compulsive person on the planet. I can be happy and smiling one moment and a total emotional wreck the next. I am loud and crazy, but also calm and chill. Outgoing and shy, talkative yet quiet, even smart and stupid. All of these contradictions describe me perfectly and there are many more as well.
I have realized a lot about myself over the past year or so, some of it I was glad to discover, other things I need to work on changing.
I have always known I am a procrastinator. For instance, it is 12:37 AM currently and I am only beginning this assignment due in the morning that was given to us a week ago. I try to put myself in the mindset that I am going to get something done, but I get distracted by something that seems easier to do at the moment, like watch TV. I am also a very logical yet understanding person and think more in shades of grey than black and white. I get all sides to a story and determine which is the most logical. I am also lazy, and I have developed somewhat of a carefree spirit, which at times can be great and fun, but can also be hazardous. What I have realized is the I have literally become carefree about mostly everything. Of course I still value and care about my family and friends, and I still have goals and dreams, but I have no current motivation to do anything that would help me achieve those dreams and goals. That said, I am also a dreamer. I have big plans and ideas, but have difficulty actually putting them into motion and doing what needs to be done for them to actually happen.
What might come as a shock to people, is that I am a fairly private and reserved person. I have recently understood that people actually don't know that much about my life. This is because I don't really like talking about it. I would rather forget my troubles and just play around and make jokes with my friends. Sometimes I have to make a joke about something that is actually causing me mental harm, because it's my only way to cope with it or I don't want to think about it. I don't want to tell the whole story because I might not get every part right and because they are usually long stories that I feel most people don't want to hear.
I believe in God and my religion. Lately I have learned a lot more about my religion (Catholicism), and I have actually chosen it, not just been dragged to church every Sunday. I believe everything happens for a reason, but our choices affect the reasons. I truly believe that guns don't kill people, people kill people, because every choice we make determines not only ours, but other people's lives. I believe that everyone can be respected for something. You may not like them, but they have some admirable quality. Last but not least, and ultimately probably not really last, I believe in life. I believe in selfless acts, and in living life passionately.
First of all, I value morals. I have my own set of morals just like everyone else, and I don't expect anyone to follow anyone's set of morals other than their own. I value innocence, because it is something I feel is so lost in the world today. I value happiness, because these days it seems so difficult to genuinely be happy. I value love of all kinds because I think that "those three words are said to much, but not enough."* I value my mom, for giving a lot of her life for me. I value my grandpa, for being the closest thing I have to a dad, for supporting me in every way. I value my grandma and my aunt for being like my second moms. I value my best friends, for always being there for anything. My uncle and my cousins for basically being my brothers and sisters. And with all my heart, I value my actual little brothers and sister, for being that perpetual light in my life.
My main goal in life is fairly simple: be happy. I don't know where I am going, or what I really want to do yet. I have thought of a few choices, but honestly I don't know what I am doing next year, much less in 5 years. I don't know what will make me happy in a few years, what career or anything I will want. I want a little bit of everything and I don't want to ever be stuck in a bad situation that I don't have a way out of. It's like at lunch, I never actually eat a meal. I go around the table, picking off of food here and there and I usually stand. My friends think I am uncomfortable standing, but honestly I prefer being free to move about and do whatever I want, no restrictions. I want to be independent, but not standoffish, though. I want to get married someday, but I am not one of those girls who sits has been planning their wedding ever since they could talk. I am someone who just goes with the flow and sees what happens. Whatever is right will end up being right for me, I just have to be open minded and let it happen. This applies to all aspects of my life, but also with logic and reason mixed in.
Wow, I feel like I have written a lot. I have given a lot of information about my life and rambled on. But I guess that is sort of the point of the assignment right?
Well my personal philosophy basically is that everything happens for a reason, so you just have to let everything happen. You are obviously going to have to use your head and make good choices. Stick to your beliefs and never forget who your true friends are and never take your family for granted.
*Quote from Snow Patrol's song, Chasing Cars. Didn't know how to cite that.
Here's the song, it's a pretty good one with a great message, you have probably heard it, but make sure you listen to the words:
