The Grandfather Part I

So one of the main ideas for a blog topic was my grandpa. Let me warn you, he is one of the most obsessively Catholic and Republican people I know. He has no filter of what he probably shouldn't say out loud. *He is not prejudice or racist or anything and he means no disrespect to your religion, race, or political views whatsoever. So do not take offense to anything he says. He just says whatever pops into his mind at the time. However, everything is to be taken lightheartedly, or don't read it at all.*
Anyhow, there will be more posts about my grandpa and the random things he says, this is just what I have been able to quickly type out.


1.) Grandpa-"Do you know how much water California would save if men weren't allowed to pee in toilets?... It's just unsanitary, really."

Mom- “I really don’t understand why you have to be in the bathroom for so long. There is like 15 people in this cabin and there is only ONE bathroom.”

Grandpa-“ Well, it would be really easy to build a urinal upstairs. All you would have to do is bring a long pipe…”

2.) Grandpa-“Those damn Canadian democrats.”

3. )Grandpa-"My first act of mercy at University of Portland was volunteering at a center for mentally retarded Eskimos."

Me-"Oh really, just them?"

Grandpa- "Yeah well they have their problems, too, you know. If you lived in those igloos in the darkness for 6 months, you would be messed up, too."

4.) So my eighteen year old cousin was down visiting us, and I walked in to the living room while my grandpa was telling her a little story.
Here’s his story:

“Well, there once was this man named Hitler. And he didn’t like the Jews very much. In fact, he tried to kill ALL of them (saying this while gasping). He almost did, too. But you know, of course some of them escaped. They went up into the mountains, sort of like the ones in Oregon, but in Poland instead.”

So, after all of that, my cousin replies, “Yeah… I know what the Holocaust is, Grandpa.”


5. )(Short Story Alert!!!)So my grandfather decided to buy some math DVDs. Yes. You read correctly. Not just math DVDs, calculus DVDs. So after about 3 months of his efforts to get me to sit down and watch them, my aunt, Michelle, comes home for Christmas. And guess what? Yep. He brought out the boxed set of calculus lectures and somehow got us to watch one. Here is how the conversation went when we were deciding which one to watch:

Grandpa-“Which one should we start off with?”

Michelle-“Hmm… how about Pascal’s Triangle?”

Grandpa- “Oh! Yeah! Let’s watch Pascal’s TER-AN-GLE.”

*I kid you not, how I just spelt triangle was how he pronounced it. TER-AN-GLE.*

Me- laughs really hard.

Grandpa-starts laughing, not really knowing why. “What’s so funny?”

Me- “You said TER-AN-GLE…It’s supposed to be TRI-ANGLE.”

Grandpa-“…Well, they sound like the same words to me.”

*Michelle & I start laughing in unison, Grandpa still confused.*

So then we go off into this laughter fest, bringing up every time he has pronounced
something “wrong”. I put wrong in parenthesis because of course, he never thinks he
says anything wrong.

Michelle-“Remember a Mc DLT is a Mc Dilt, and a Cadillac is a Cad-i- lick.”

Me- “Or Elvis is really ELV-LIS, Italy is IT-LY. Oh and don’t forget, you don’t wash something, you WARSH it.

Grandpa- “Okay, Okay.”

Then he randomly starts a conversation about how nowadays we don’t pronounce Latin words correctly.

Grandpa- “I know the right way to pronounce Latin words, I took it in high school, I went to mass in Latin. This new-fangled way of speaking it is not correct. Like everyone says his name Copernicus, but I know that it is CO-PER-KNEE-SHIS.”

And that’s when my aunt and I just about died of laughter.

haha I love my grandpa =]